the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
