i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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