He asked me if I "almost moaned"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there is glitter all over my balls
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