I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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