anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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