i think i have herpe
just one?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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