I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
