Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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