Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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