i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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