I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
