There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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