Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
