I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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