my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
