Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
