I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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