Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
