I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
