Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
