I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
