I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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