You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize