I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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