please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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