There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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