omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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