Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
