We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
