that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
