If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
