love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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