Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
