Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
