Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
