***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
