Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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