The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
