If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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