I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
