Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
