My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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