Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Shame - the story of my life.
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