just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
