Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
