the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he fucked my hip out of place.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
