How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
