He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
