The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
