Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
