Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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