ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
