Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found the puke drawer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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