pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
