Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
