I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize