Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
