I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize