is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
