before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
