I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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