It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
