census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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