my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love having hate sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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