You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
