i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
