So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
