he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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