dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
