Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
